I think I must clear something up. I think that I was maybe misunderstood when I said that it look like my sister is not showing any interest.
Since I started with all this problems my sister has been there for me, she were the one looking after me by telling me where to go to the dr, when to go to the dr. If I had any pains, problems or were just down I ran to her and she were there for me.
When I said that she did not show any interest, she read the piece where I said that she does not show interest and were very unhappy about, what she thought I said she did not show interest.
I love my sister very much and she has always been there for me and for that I will always be grateful.

I am doing well. My mind is just very busy on what will happen? will I get a kidney? when will they start with what. I am still waiting for my authority to come through, so the suspense are keeping me busy. Because of this I don't sleep to well and are up and going very early in the mornings.

I had a wonderful time with my brother and his family for 5 days. It was very nice to be with them and relax. Barry and myself went out for supper on Tuesday night, just the two of us, and we talked a lot about everything, something we could not do with everybody in the house. It felt so good. I love him to bits.

My sister and her family went on a sea holiday that same week when I was in Nelspruit with Barry and his family. They are back now, all with beautiful tans and well rested. I went to visit them on Sunday. It was good, Gerna and myself talked a lot and sorted out stuff. I also love her a lot.

I need to go, work, work, work. It keep me busy. Will keep you posted.

Good day everybody. It's been a while since I last "spoke"to you. Today I went to the dr again to see if anything changed with my kidney functions.
Guess what it changed and changed a lot. According to the doctor I must start with my preparations for dialysis. And that is not good news to me. In the back of my head I had the hope that everything will change, that my functions will stay the same if not go better. I know it could not happen it is just .......... a hope.

I am in a daze, I cry for nothing, I just space out and hear nothing around me, and we are a lot of people staying in the house, there is no space to space out but guess what I do that.

My brother is a darling, he phoned me this morning to wish me good luck, I love him to bits. My sister I also love she has always been there for me during all my "medical problems". The last few weeks it is as if she distance herself from me. Like today I told her I must go to the kidney unit to be prepared for dialysis and the only reaction I got was "o". I don't know if she is distancing herself from my because of my mother and what she went through and that she is scared to be to connected. I hope not because I need her to be there to be connected to me. I love her and would love her to be part of what I am going through, all the emotions.

I must go to work tomorrow, it is only Thursday tomorrow, but I am to drained to go there. My job is of such a nature that I can not be emotional in front of my subordinates I am supposed to be the stron one, so I will only go on Friday.

Barry want me to visit them this weekend till next week Tuesday or Wednesday, I look so much forward to that. Gerna and her family are on there way for a seaside holiday in Kwazulu Natal. The kids look so much forward to that, I hope they enjoy it

My friends and work collegues are so good and supportive to me, it only make me cry when I receive an text message wishing me well.