I started working again on Monday, it was hard to be back after 3 week holiday and because of the change that happened in my life.
I struggled a lot the first three days, my feet were swelling and it was so painful. We had a workshop and I sat a lot. At night I had to lie down and elevate my feet to relieve the pain and swelling. Today is better.
I went for a blood sample today to see if my values are still ok after I started taking my Lasix, the results will be in this afternoon. Keep your fingers cross. My sister, Gerna, draw my blood at the sickbay, she is good!!!!. I asked her if she think I must put the fistula in my left of right arm (I am right handed) she said to me "No negative thinking, it will not be necessary for a fistula, your blood results will be good". I felt like crying, this is the first time that she showed any interest in what is happening to me. I am happy.
The other big thing for me is the fact that I can only drink two liter fluids per day. Thank you for crushed ice, I call it my miracle crystals, that helped a lot.
Emotionally I am better, I think that I will be able to go through this with the Help of our Heavenly Father, with Him nothing is impossible.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
First of all thank you to "da grandma" for visiting my blog, I will take your advise and just go one day at a time. It will not be easy because there are a lot of issues that can happen in the future, like my work, and I need to know what I am going to do. But I will try my hardest to take it slow. I hope that you are ok, will keep in touch.
Also thanks to my friend Bev, you don't know what it mean to me to know that I still have a friend out there that cares, Thank you pal.
Today was good, maybe I am already taking it one day at a time.
Luv u all.
Also thanks to my friend Bev, you don't know what it mean to me to know that I still have a friend out there that cares, Thank you pal.
Today was good, maybe I am already taking it one day at a time.
Luv u all.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Remember the fistula and needles I talked about, this is what is looks
like, it more scary than it is. My mother had a fistula and it make a buzz sound, we use to joke with her with her "machine".
like, it more scary than it is. My mother had a fistula and it make a buzz sound, we use to joke with her with her "machine".Today was a cold and windy day, it looked like rain. I stayed in bed till late in the morning while watching Olympic Games. I enjoyed that.
My new medication does not seem to work too well. I keep on having this
pulsating headaches, I hope it is only the transformation period, it is only 3 days since I started taking them.
My mood is better today I feel that I can face stuff. The 2 liter fluids a day is hard, I keep on feeling I need more. I drink about 2 liters water at night, so it is difficult but manageable.
Holiday is nice, I know there is a lot to do at work but I will get to it next week at the moment I want to focus on what I must do, and work is one of them.
To all the good wishes I received thank you very much. Thank you also for the lot of prayers that comes my way.
My new medication does not seem to work too well. I keep on having this
pulsating headaches, I hope it is only the transformation period, it is only 3 days since I started taking them.My mood is better today I feel that I can face stuff. The 2 liter fluids a day is hard, I keep on feeling I need more. I drink about 2 liters water at night, so it is difficult but manageable.
Holiday is nice, I know there is a lot to do at work but I will get to it next week at the moment I want to focus on what I must do, and work is one of them.
To all the good wishes I received thank you very much. Thank you also for the lot of prayers that comes my way.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
I had a wonderful day today. I am in my last week of a three week holiday. Today was a bit cold and windy but I felt good. I just didn't go there today. As soon as I started thinking about "it"I did something else, and it worked.
This evening I had a nice workout for the first time in four days and it felt good. I don't feel the "dead" feeling so much anymore. It is gooooooood.
I had some pain over my liver area (o ya I forgot to tell, the same stuff I have on my kidneys I also have on my liver, but my liver function is very good, my liver is just bigger as a normal one)
Today is a short day, it was Sunday and we just chilled.
This evening I had a nice workout for the first time in four days and it felt good. I don't feel the "dead" feeling so much anymore. It is gooooooood.
I had some pain over my liver area (o ya I forgot to tell, the same stuff I have on my kidneys I also have on my liver, but my liver function is very good, my liver is just bigger as a normal one)
Today is a short day, it was Sunday and we just chilled.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
I went to dinner with my sister, Gerna and her family, Len (her husband), Christian (10) and Xander (8) her boys. It was very nice, I had to keep my pose, laugh and be happy. I think it did me good for a while I didn't think of the issues at hand. We laughed and joked during the evening.
When I went to bed I started thinking again, strange how your mind take it's own course, you can't stop it. At 03:20 am I was still awake and tossing and turning, I listened to music on my MP3. I did not take my book with me, it was just for one night. I went to sleep at 3:30 and woke up at 8:00.
Before I left for home I helped Christian with a school project, it was nice I enjoyed that.
Today we are having a "braai". Some friends are coming over, looking forward to that.
When I went to bed I started thinking again, strange how your mind take it's own course, you can't stop it. At 03:20 am I was still awake and tossing and turning, I listened to music on my MP3. I did not take my book with me, it was just for one night. I went to sleep at 3:30 and woke up at 8:00.
Before I left for home I helped Christian with a school project, it was nice I enjoyed that.
Today we are having a "braai". Some friends are coming over, looking forward to that.
I looked for som
e pictures on the internet and I found this picture of a kidney with the same cysts on as mine. I don't know at what stage this is but it doesn't look good
e pictures on the internet and I found this picture of a kidney with the same cysts on as mine. I don't know at what stage this is but it doesn't look goodFriday, August 15, 2008
After I went to the dr on 13 Aug 08 (Wednesday) a lot of feelings and emotions went through my mind.
I stay with very good friends of mine, Petro and Gerrie Munnik. We've been friends for the past 28 years. Petro and my mother use to work together in Grootfontein, Namibia. When my parents move to South Africa in 1985 my mother stayed with Petro and Gerrie because my father was still in Namibia doing border duty. During this period they helped my mother when she started with her dialysis and all her stages she went through.
My father died in Jan 1992 and my mother died in October 2005. I am now staying with them. We are a big family staying together, it is Petro and Gerrie, with Maretha (30,their oldest daughter), her husband Frikkie and two boys, Christo (5) and Ruben (3) also here is Tania (29, youngest daughter) and Gerhard (21, there son and my godson)
The last two days were very hard for me, I have this "dead" feeling inside me, a lot of questions I want to have answered. But it is questions that only I can answer. Questions that I must answer on my life what am I now going to do, how is this going to impact on my work (I just started a new post and promotion and love it) must I go off on medical (my mother did when she got her transplant) what will I then do.
The thing that bother me the least is dying, my relationship with my Heavenly Father is very good and I am not scared to go to Him, what worry me is going through everything to get to that stage. I know that He will guide me and carry me but I am only human and I am scared.
When my father died in 1992 I started looking after my mother. My sister got married just after my fathers death and moved to Nelspruit, my brother was already married and were on there way to Nelspruit. So the only one left in Pretoria was me and I was not married, so I moved in with her and looked after her. She later-on could not walk and need to go by wheelchair everywhere (I had to buy a car where a wheelchair could fit in)
So I went through all this with my mother, her visits to the dr and her pains she had, the problems she had, and it scare me. Am I strong enough for this, everybody say that I am, but at this stage do I want to be strong, why must I be strong can I not be scared.
My biggest issue is going to bed at night alone and be with my thoughts and scare alone. (now it bother me to be a freemale)
My sister is a nursing sister, and a very good one, when I told her about the results, we had come soda(o ja that is another thing, I am only allowed 2 liter fluids per day, I usually drink that much during the night so another change I must do). My brother were in Pretoria on Wednesday 13 Aug 08 (from Nelspruit) to pick up stock. When I came from the dr he phoned and he asked were I am and I said from the dr. He asked me what did the dr say and I told him, he said "O, that is a pity but you are strong and will get through it", can he phone me back. Well it is two days later and still nothing from him.
I understand they have their own families to worry about and don't need my worries also to cope with so ja, I will work through this one. Luckily for me I have wonderful friends in the Munniks and they were here for me the past two days.
Tonight I'm going to have lunch with my sister and her family, I must just try to get past this dead empty feeling in me. I just want to be on my own to think a bit and for once feel sorry for myself, am I allowed this? to feel sorry for myself. I looked after my mother for nearly 17 years and I think I am entitled to it for a while.
I stay with very good friends of mine, Petro and Gerrie Munnik. We've been friends for the past 28 years. Petro and my mother use to work together in Grootfontein, Namibia. When my parents move to South Africa in 1985 my mother stayed with Petro and Gerrie because my father was still in Namibia doing border duty. During this period they helped my mother when she started with her dialysis and all her stages she went through.
My father died in Jan 1992 and my mother died in October 2005. I am now staying with them. We are a big family staying together, it is Petro and Gerrie, with Maretha (30,their oldest daughter), her husband Frikkie and two boys, Christo (5) and Ruben (3) also here is Tania (29, youngest daughter) and Gerhard (21, there son and my godson)
The last two days were very hard for me, I have this "dead" feeling inside me, a lot of questions I want to have answered. But it is questions that only I can answer. Questions that I must answer on my life what am I now going to do, how is this going to impact on my work (I just started a new post and promotion and love it) must I go off on medical (my mother did when she got her transplant) what will I then do.
The thing that bother me the least is dying, my relationship with my Heavenly Father is very good and I am not scared to go to Him, what worry me is going through everything to get to that stage. I know that He will guide me and carry me but I am only human and I am scared.
When my father died in 1992 I started looking after my mother. My sister got married just after my fathers death and moved to Nelspruit, my brother was already married and were on there way to Nelspruit. So the only one left in Pretoria was me and I was not married, so I moved in with her and looked after her. She later-on could not walk and need to go by wheelchair everywhere (I had to buy a car where a wheelchair could fit in)
So I went through all this with my mother, her visits to the dr and her pains she had, the problems she had, and it scare me. Am I strong enough for this, everybody say that I am, but at this stage do I want to be strong, why must I be strong can I not be scared.
My biggest issue is going to bed at night alone and be with my thoughts and scare alone. (now it bother me to be a freemale)
My sister is a nursing sister, and a very good one, when I told her about the results, we had come soda(o ja that is another thing, I am only allowed 2 liter fluids per day, I usually drink that much during the night so another change I must do). My brother were in Pretoria on Wednesday 13 Aug 08 (from Nelspruit) to pick up stock. When I came from the dr he phoned and he asked were I am and I said from the dr. He asked me what did the dr say and I told him, he said "O, that is a pity but you are strong and will get through it", can he phone me back. Well it is two days later and still nothing from him.
I understand they have their own families to worry about and don't need my worries also to cope with so ja, I will work through this one. Luckily for me I have wonderful friends in the Munniks and they were here for me the past two days.
Tonight I'm going to have lunch with my sister and her family, I must just try to get past this dead empty feeling in me. I just want to be on my own to think a bit and for once feel sorry for myself, am I allowed this? to feel sorry for myself. I looked after my mother for nearly 17 years and I think I am entitled to it for a while.
Bie's thoughts
My name is Bie. I am single female and 43 years of age. Nothing "wrong" with me, I am just a "freemale"
My reason for doing this blog is because I want to tell you my story and my thought after a big change in my life.
It all started in 1986, I was then 21 years of age. My mother who was diagnosed with the incurable Polycistic Kidney Disease (PKD) had to undergo a kidney transplant. At that stage she already went through about 2 years of dialyses at then HF Verwoerd Hospital. She was a military patient but the military hospital did not have a kidney department so she was referred by the military, to the best kidney specialist, then Dr Carosite (I'm not sure of the spelling of his name) now Prof Carosite. I decided to go for tests to see if I am compatible to my mother, and donate a kidney. Big was my surprise when they said to me "You are compatible but you can not donate". Yes I had the same PKD as my mother. Mine were not that advanced yet but I had PKD.
At that stage it did not bother me much because I was not sick, I could still play Basketball for the SADF, I was still active.
About a year later I started having bad headaches and a lot of swelling in my ankles. I went to the dr and they said that because of my kidneys I have high blood pressure and the swelling is because of my kidneys that do not output the enough fluids. I was placed on medication for my blood pressure and to help with my urine output.
Along the years everything just went downstream, my high blood pressure medication was increased and still had to take the urine pill. This did not hold me back I was then a Sport Officer in the SADF and later the SANDF and still active in sport like netball, cycling, badminton and basketball. At this stage my "expiring date" (age) came closer, I could not do the things I was use to. But I was still active in badminton and cycling, but went more into sport administration.
About a year ago I was diagnosed with TB. My got sick and the dr could not find the problem. The dr's did some test because they thought that I got the TB in my kidneys, lucky not, only in my lungs.
In February 2008 I end up with Dr Ledwaba at 1 Mil Hosp Internal Medicine, she is a kidney specialist. She said my kidneys were not good. My creatinine at 58ml/min is still well above the cut of count for dialysis, if it go to 25 they must start thinking of dialysis for my.
She gave me the following instructions:
*Every 3 months I must do blood and urine test at a sickbay.
*A week before my 6 months visit to her I must do a 24 hour urine collection, sent it to the lab for the results to be ready when I see her on 13 August 2008.
Well I did all she said. On 13 August 2008 I went to see her. Big was my shock to see how my kidneys deteriorate in this 6 months. In 6 months time my count went down from 58ml/min to 39ml/min. My first thought was, if I had to come back in 6 months time will I still be alive. If my count went down by 20 ml in 6 months after another 6 months it will be round about 10ml/min and that is to low.
Dr Ledwaba was also surprised to see my count going down with 20 and immediately she said I must rather come back in 2 months time. So my next appointment with her is on 15 October 2008. If at my 15 Oct 08 appointment my count is still lower they need to prepare me for dialysis by putting in a "fistula" (it is when they connect a artery and vain to have a better blood flow were they can put in needles)
And this is were I am today. My story and my thoughts will start here, I hope you will find this thoughts of mine interesting, (not pity please just support)and feel free to participate in this with me.
Bie
(15 August 2008)
My reason for doing this blog is because I want to tell you my story and my thought after a big change in my life.
It all started in 1986, I was then 21 years of age. My mother who was diagnosed with the incurable Polycistic Kidney Disease (PKD) had to undergo a kidney transplant. At that stage she already went through about 2 years of dialyses at then HF Verwoerd Hospital. She was a military patient but the military hospital did not have a kidney department so she was referred by the military, to the best kidney specialist, then Dr Carosite (I'm not sure of the spelling of his name) now Prof Carosite. I decided to go for tests to see if I am compatible to my mother, and donate a kidney. Big was my surprise when they said to me "You are compatible but you can not donate". Yes I had the same PKD as my mother. Mine were not that advanced yet but I had PKD.
At that stage it did not bother me much because I was not sick, I could still play Basketball for the SADF, I was still active.
About a year later I started having bad headaches and a lot of swelling in my ankles. I went to the dr and they said that because of my kidneys I have high blood pressure and the swelling is because of my kidneys that do not output the enough fluids. I was placed on medication for my blood pressure and to help with my urine output.
Along the years everything just went downstream, my high blood pressure medication was increased and still had to take the urine pill. This did not hold me back I was then a Sport Officer in the SADF and later the SANDF and still active in sport like netball, cycling, badminton and basketball. At this stage my "expiring date" (age) came closer, I could not do the things I was use to. But I was still active in badminton and cycling, but went more into sport administration.
About a year ago I was diagnosed with TB. My got sick and the dr could not find the problem. The dr's did some test because they thought that I got the TB in my kidneys, lucky not, only in my lungs.
In February 2008 I end up with Dr Ledwaba at 1 Mil Hosp Internal Medicine, she is a kidney specialist. She said my kidneys were not good. My creatinine at 58ml/min is still well above the cut of count for dialysis, if it go to 25 they must start thinking of dialysis for my.
She gave me the following instructions:
*Every 3 months I must do blood and urine test at a sickbay.
*A week before my 6 months visit to her I must do a 24 hour urine collection, sent it to the lab for the results to be ready when I see her on 13 August 2008.
Well I did all she said. On 13 August 2008 I went to see her. Big was my shock to see how my kidneys deteriorate in this 6 months. In 6 months time my count went down from 58ml/min to 39ml/min. My first thought was, if I had to come back in 6 months time will I still be alive. If my count went down by 20 ml in 6 months after another 6 months it will be round about 10ml/min and that is to low.
Dr Ledwaba was also surprised to see my count going down with 20 and immediately she said I must rather come back in 2 months time. So my next appointment with her is on 15 October 2008. If at my 15 Oct 08 appointment my count is still lower they need to prepare me for dialysis by putting in a "fistula" (it is when they connect a artery and vain to have a better blood flow were they can put in needles)
And this is were I am today. My story and my thoughts will start here, I hope you will find this thoughts of mine interesting, (not pity please just support)and feel free to participate in this with me.
Bie
(15 August 2008)
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